OK to Sleep with Ex?
Q: I have been divorced from my ex for nearly 10 years, and I am still in love with him. My problem is that he has married the lady he left me for, and he denied having any affair with her before we split up. We have been having sex now for about two years. I can't seem to move on with my life and stop this insanity. I want to let his wife know about it, I guess out of revenge. Help me please!! -- Denise, 58
Dr. Susan: Do your realize you've partially answered your own question? What you're doing is insanity. Half the battle is recognizing it, and now that you do, the next step is to stop doing it. Of course it's hard. Invest in a good therapist. Move to another town. Tell your ex to leave you alone. Do some work on yourself (exercise, new clothes, take a class in something new) so you feel good about yourself and then go out and meet people. But don't sleep with him! What good would revenge on your ex's wife do you now anyway? This all happened ten years ago. Time to adjust to the new reality. He's using you, having it both ways. He left you for her and now he gets what he wants from you anyway. What a creep. Don't waste your life on him.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.