Frat Boy is Bad Boyfriend

Q: My ex-boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. We are now both at the same college. We loved each other very much, but when he joined a fraternity, things went downhill. He's a totally different person around his frat brothers, though around me he's the same sweet guy. We broke up last week but we are still very friendly. I still want the relationship, but he wants to be "alone." I made the mistake of having sex with him a few days after the break-up, but it felt exactly the same. There was more kissing than anything else so it seemed to me that it wasn't just sex. Needless to say I got my hopes up. However, he still likes to have me at his apartment all the time, but he goes out and has fun with other people while I'm at work without wanting me to have the same "fun" with other people. What do you think? -- Kristin

Dr. Susan: I'd say your ex-guy's frat brothers taught him how to lie and take advantage of women. What I think is you should be running in the opposite direction of his frat house. Try to think clearly about this: He's fine with the sex, fine with you being there to keep him company when he wants it, but not fine with being faithful to you. At least that's what I'd bet. He wants fun, fun, fun, wherever, whenever, and with whomever, just so long as you don't have any without him. If you're looking for a one-female boyfriend, he's resigned from that role. When he said he wants to be "alone," what he meant was he wants time to explore the wide world of other options besides being with you. It would be a good thing for your own future if you took advantage of the next few years and had some fun and did some looking around yourself. Who knows? Frat Guy may grow up in the meantime.

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