Am I a Lesbian?
Q: I need your help, Dr. Susan! I am a 21-year-old female. I get turned on very easily when I think about males or look at them. But I've never really had a real deep crush on one! I'm starting to think something is wrong with me. I'm very outgoing and the life of the conversation. One of my friends, however, Megan, is another case. Just looking at her makes me feel all jittery inside. She's such a tease and I think about her all the time. Megan is one of those natural beauties, and when I give her a hug to say hello or goodbye, just touching her gives me the can't-eat-can't-sleep-only-want-to-think-about-her type deals. It's weird, though... honestly, just the idea of girls doesn't turn me on. Megan is the only girl that can do that to me. Is this a deep crush? Am I considered a lesbian? Is this even normal? -- Brittany
Dr. Susan: Don't be too quick to worry about what's "normal" and what the rest of the world "considers" you. You're attracted to both genders, and right now you've got this humongous crush on one particular female. That doesn't necessarily mean you won't ever have a crush on a male. Even if you don't, nothing is wrong with you. Everyone develops at a different rate, and it's not unusual to have crushes on unavailable people (teachers, doctors, married people). Have you had any indication that Megan reciprocates your feelings? Make use of those conversational skills of yours to learn what you can about both males and females. Hint to Megan that you really like her, and see how she reacts. Don't rule out males, since they're a turn-on for you too, even if you haven't yet met one who inspires the lust Megan does. Let this be a time of exploration. Don't shortchange yourself by labeling yourself too soon.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.