Waiting a Year for Sex

Q: My boyfriend hasn't tried to have sex with me yet. We've been talking for a year. Do you think that he is just waiting or cheating? And how do I tell him that I'm tired of waiting? I'm 22. -- Loretta

Dr. Susan: It could be that your boyfriend is from a background where women are shown respect by not asking for sex before marriage. Is he affectionate at all? Do you hold hands, kiss, hug, look into each other's eyes and dream together about a possible future? In this day and age, I'd expect at least that from a long-time boyfriend. As for cheating, you can't cheat if the rules of the game haven't been discussed. And it doesn't sound like your desire for monogamy has come up yet.

You might give him the idea that you're tired of waiting by asking, "Sometimes I get really frustrated, physically. Don't you?" or "You're really unusual. I always hear from my girlfriends how their boyfriends want to have sex right away." See if that begins a conversation about what's in his mind. Maybe he's a shy virgin, or likes you so much that he doesn't want to risk losing you by "rushing" to the next stage. If you think you're ready for sex, Loretta, you also better be ready to ask him personal questions.

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