Pregnant By Her Ex
Q: I have been married for 15 years, since I was 25, and separated for the last two years. Me and my husband started seeing each other again three months ago and I thought we were going to try and make things work. We have two children, one in elementary school and one in high school, and I just found out that I'm two months pregnant. My husband said he doesn't want anything to do with it, that it's my problem to deal with myself. Yet he stills calls and wants me to go to his apartment for sex. I am so mad. How should I handle it?-- Tammy
Dr. Susan: The two of you definitely have a problem. This offers a clue to how your husband intends to deal with future challenges: avoid them. He doesn't want to talk to you about having this baby, which means he's obviously not committed to sticking with you unless it's easy. Figure out whether you can manage to raise this child on your own, along with the other two you already have. Imagine the near future, financially and emotionally, with your husband totally out of the picture. If you feel dread, consider not having the baby -- now before it's too late. If you can work your way to a place where you're okay with being a new mother again at this stage -- a single mother -- then let nature takes its course and make the best plans you can for the future. I wish you well. But tell your husband that if he isn't part of the solution, then he can't be part of your life. And that you certainly won't be his sexual plaything. Your anger is so justified!
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.