Q: I recently found out my boyfriend of five months has a profile on a sex and swinger website. He has been writing messages to many random females telling them, in so many words, how adventurous he is in bed and how he wants to meet them and hook up. I was recently away and he wrote to different girls telling them he was in a relationship and she was out of town and he needed some entertainment. He claims that this is all a joke and that he and one of his buddies did this as entertainment. He swears he never cheated and was just doing it to see how many girls he could 'bait'. Needless to say I broke up with him. I mean, how do I know that was a joke? And, if he was happy with me, as he claims, why would he want to do that at all? Help! -- Nicole
Dr. Susan: What a delight it is to tell a letter-writer she did the right thing! Your boyfriend pulled one of the oldest tricks in the book (even though he used a computer, it's still a very old trick). He thought he could have it all: you and anyone else he felt like having a sexual fling with. When these thrill-and-novelty-seeking cads are caught with their pants down, they tell you it was just a joke, it didn't mean anything, my buddy made me do it, it's you I really love, and anyway "nothing happened." You were so right not to believe a word of his lies. Whether he actually got so far as to hook up with any of the women he managed to bait, you're much better off without him. Men with that sort of sense of humor need to have their selfish smiles wiped right off their faces.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.