Religion Tore Them Apart
Q: My ex, who is Jewish, broke it off about two months ago because his family doesn't approve of him marrying anyone who's not Jewish. We're in our 20s and were only together for about 4 months, but it was instant love with us, or so I thought. Apparently his love is not strong enough to override his family's wishes. We ran into each other a couple of days ago and got to talking. He says there's still hope for us and that this time apart may show his family that he respected their wishes by dating Jewish girls and that maybe they'll see that I was best for him. I really don't think there's hope anymore because I put my heart and soul into this relationship. I was even willing to convert. However, deep down, I'm still leaving the door open for him, even though I really want to move on. I have been on a number of dates as well to get him off my mind. What should I do? -- Samantha
Dr. Susan: Your guy is trying to avoid a final confrontation with you by telling you not to give up hope, but he's lying. Either to himself or to you, it doesn't matter. His parents aren't going to suddenly decide you're best for him -- they'll keep urging him to date Jewish girls until he finds one he'd like to marry. While he may possibly someday regret that there is no one else with your wonderful combination of qualities, his parents will not come to that conclusion. For some people, religious background is more important than any other single facet of a person. (And, of course, religion could be just an excuse....) As for you and your uncontrollable heart, keep dating other guys and eventually you'll find one who will help you stop mooning over Mr. Can't Have. File him under "live and learn."
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.