She Doesn't Trust His Gal-Friend
Q: I'm 31 and have been seeing a 38-year-old man for five months. We never argue or fight, and until three months ago we'd see each other five times a week. Now it has decreased to only twice a week. When I asked him why he was being distant towards me, he told me he couldn't handle my jealousy of his gal-friend. She has told me things that made me uncomfortable, but he said they were just friends. She is on her third marriage and has cheated on this husband, too, with another one of their friends. I want my man to know I trust him 100%, and I want things back the way they used to be in our relationship. What can I do? -- Nicole
Dr. Susan: While it would be great if we could all trust one another a hundred per cent, it doesn't work out that way in reality. Until your lover commits to you fully, you can't really ask him to stop seeing someone he insists is a friend. Even at that point, the most you can do is ask that he include you in get-togethers with her. For now, give him the benefit of the doubt and take his word for what he's doing, unless and until you have real evidence he's lying. Tell him you miss him and will make every effort not to interfere in his friendships, even though this one has you scared you'll lose him. Then don't bring it up constantly. He'll give her up eventually if she's bad news and if he values your relationship highly enough. Do keep your eyes and ears open so you can determine if he's a totally honest guy.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.