Confused by Sex

Q: I have been separated from my husband of 15 years for a year and a half now, and on his last visit to see the kids, we had sex. He held me and had that look in his eye but says it can never happen again. He is a very stubborn man with a huge ego and I think if he came back to the family he thinks it would show some sort of weakness. I don't feel that way. Should I let it go and press on with my life as I have or should I try and figure this out? -- Sandy

Dr. Susan: Even a "look in his eye" can't make up for a doomed marriage. To advise helpfully, I'd need to know why you separated in the first place, and what efforts to reconcile you and he might have made during your long separation. One incident of post-separation sex isn't a sound enough basis to get back together, but then again, anything that gives both of you hope may be a positive thing. You need to talk to him, out of the bedroom, possibly with the aid of a counselor, to determine once and for all if you should go ahead and get a divorce. As it is, you seem to be waiting for the other shoe to drop, which is keeping you from getting on with your life. Big ego and stubbornness aside, your husband has to be willing to talk and work on this relationship. If he truly doesn't want to, having sex with him is a bad move. It just re-awakens your hope in vain.

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