Online Soulmate Still on the Hunt
Q: Six months ago I met what I believe to be my soulmate online. We've been seeing each other ever since and are in a full-blown relationship. We've never had a bad time with each other, and we can talk about anything. But recently I went to the dating site where we first met to take down my profile, and I discovered that he had recently updated his profile with new pictures and a new title phrase that says "A real man for a real woman." I find that really troubling. I'm worried that the man that I am in love with, who claims to care about me so much, is not as satisfied with me as I am with him. I don't even know if I should bring it up but it's eating me up inside, and I'm worried that if I do it will ruin the beautiful relationship that we have. What do you think? -- Colleen
Dr. Susan: Craa-aa-ck. I'm afraid that may be the sound of your heart breaking very soon, Colleen. You can't avoid confronting him with what you've found out. If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, the best you can do is assume he never said he was going to date only you. Because you can be sure he isn't dating only you. What it means about his satisfaction with you is fairly obvious: he's still on the hunt. I once dated a man from a personal ad, and when I found his ad still out there, he said, "It was a clerical mistake." Next time it was still out there, he said, "Just a screw-up." Finally he admitted the truth, "I just love first-time sexual encounters." Wow. That blew my mind, since we'd been really intimate, and for me, that always meant one at a time. But not for him. And not for your boyfriend either, apparently. So bring it up right away, and don't worry about "ruining the beautiful relationship" you thought you had. Sadly, it was based on a lie.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.