Try Again with Her Baby's Dad?
Q: I was with my boyfriend for five years (I'm 21 now) and lived with him for a year. After I got pregnant, he changed, saying he was unhappy with our relationship and didn't want be with me anymore. So I moved to another state to be with my family and have the baby. But now he's telling me that he made a mistake and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. We talk every day online but whenever I call him he doesn't answer. He admits he goes out every weekend to clubs or bars -- he's a DJ. Should I be with him or not? -- Patti
Dr. Susan: If you still have feelings for him, and he hasn't been abusive in the past, I'd give him another chance to prove there's more to him than meets the eye. He's the father of your baby, after all. But what, actually, is he offering you? Has he suggested marriage? Has he explained why he doesn't ever answer your calls? Can you imagine trusting him to be true blue, considering his extremely social job and his history of flaking on you when you needed him most? I would give him the opportunity to be part of your life again, but only if he is honest and dependable from now on. Have him send you the money for a visit. See how you get along. See how he reacts to the baby. Then decide your next step.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.