Long Distance Woes
Q: I've been in a long-distance relationship for the past year. We live 300 miles from each other and travel every other weekend to see each other. Lately, I've been doing most of the traveling due to his work schedule. He moved, temporarily, for a new job that was supposed to bring him back to the city where I live. This guy is great, but I'm finding it difficult to continue this relationship. Now, it looks like he will be there another year, and we aren't sure of anything after that. I'm finding this relationship to be tedious but fulfilling in the time we spend together. I want to tell him to find another job in my city or else I'm done. Advice? -Laura, 41
Dr. Anna: It sounds like you're feeling something needs to change. If you like everything about the relationship except the distance, bring him into the conversation. Rather than giving him an ultimatum, have a conversation about your needs and some possibilities for changing things up. Are there ways you can flex to spend more time together? Could one of you work remotely? If you need a partner who is physically present, pay attention to that and talk to him about it. Ultimately, if you two decide there is no way to make the changes you need, then it sounds like this just may not be the right partner for you.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.