He's Sack of Trash!
Q: I'm in my mid-40s, and I've been with this man for about three years (engaged and living together). On several occasions, I've discovered him searching the Internet for other women. When pressed, he promises to stop, but he hasn't. I've left, but still have the hope that our relationship isn't totally over. He just lost his longtime job and says he wants me there, but he's submitted yet another ad. His excuses are really lame: I don't eat his cooking, I sit too close to him, I don't pay him enough attention, and so on, none of which makes sense to me. If I don't call him or go to his place, he gets upset, but he doesn't contact me or visit me. Why can't I let go of this man I still care for so very much? -- Louise
Dr. Susan: A better question would be why are you so fond of such an obvious user? He lies to you, he cheats on you, he tries to blame you for his wandering eye (and probably other wandering parts), and now he wants you back to tide him over his job loss. What a deal! He's got YOU, and continues to look for someone "better." The least YOU can do, and the least you owe to yourself, is to drop him like the hot sack of trash he is, and look for someone better for yourself. No one said it was easy to break a connection, but this one is way too one-way to ever satisfy you. Unless you want your dismay and distrust to last forever, cut yourself loose now. Quick, before he destroys whatever self-esteem you have left with his self-serving excuses.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.