He Won't Plan
Q: My husband and I don't have life insurance or a will. We've been married for ten years and I feel like we need this, especially since he's twelve years older than me. He gets very defensive when I bring this up and says things like "why are you trying to put me in the grave," and "I'm in great health." It seems like he is in denial, but I feel like I'm nagging him and that I'm creating a problem. My fear is we will just keep putting this off until it's too late. How do I get this done while calming his fears and making him less defensive? -Monica, 35
Dr. Anna: This is a tough one! I think you hit the nail on the head—he is experiencing some fear or anxiety that is making him defensive. In this case, it might be helpful for him to hear it from someone other than you. Do you have a financial planner? It might make sense to talk to that person (or find one) about this issue. Have someone else bring the topic up with your husband. Hearing it from an outside source may help him make it less about his fears in the context of your relationship and more about facing reality.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.