Her Success Troubling Them

Q: I have been focusing on my career over the past eight years after graduating from law school. I am dating often and am finding that men often get competitive about work when they hear about what I do. I'm finding it hard to get past a few dates. I don't know if it's something I'm doing wrong, and I feel like I'm being kind and open, but it doesn't seem like these guys are getting to know me beyond my work. How do I discuss my work with potential partners without making it "all about work?" -Laura,35

Dr. Anna: In the short term, I wonder whether it's necessary to talk about work at all? Why not make an effort specifically to avoid talking about work on the first few dates. Loop your date in on the plan in an open and honest way. You might say something like "Hey, I know the typical first date stuff involves talking about work, but I'd like to try something different. Are you up for it?" Have some questions and topics ready. Change it up and see what happens!

In the long run, though, if a guy feels threatened by your professional success, then he's probably not right for you anyway. Finding someone who is confident—someone who will happily celebrate your achievements as well as his own—is going to be much more satisfying than toning down yourself to try to avoid their insecurities.

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