Thinks Her Husband Is Cheating
Q: I suspect my husband may be cheating on me. We haven't been intimate in a few weeks and when I try to initiate something, he always tells me how tired he is. He sells exercise equipment and so he's constantly at gyms meeting pretty trainers. I know he has been talking to this one girl who he says is one of his bosses. I noticed she texted him the other day. I picked up his phone but before I could read the text, he grabbed the phone from me. When I kindly asked that he read the text aloud, he got angry, told me I was being paranoid and then threw his iPhone on the ground so hard that it broke. I feel bad for making him so angry. Am I being paranoid or am I right to suspect something? Lisa- 43
Dr. Pamela: C'mere, let's talk. Don't feel sorry for making him angry. You're not paranoid. The warning signs that your husband is having an affair wouldn't be any clearer if the words; I am having an affair, were tattooed in neon across your his forehead. I know you feel deceived, hurt and unsure about what to do now. But before you do anything, stop and take a breath. Even though the signs are there don't make any accusations until you have concrete evidence to make your case and secure a confession. You need tangible proof such as a text, email, pictures or phone messages, something that you can produce as indisputable evidence. Without proof, you will look like a distrusting spouse, and you will ensure that your cheating husband learns to cover his tracks better. Know your purpose. The purpose is to get the truth by getting your husband to confess. Once you have a confession and know what's going on, you can work on a solution.
- Approach your husband in a rational, non-threatening way.
- Your intention should be to get your husband to respond in a way that is upfront and honest.
- It helps to think of this as a conversation, not a confrontation.
- Your goal is to come together to understand and discuss what went wrong and what you can do about it now.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.