She's Not Ready to Love Him
Q: My husband and I have been married for five years, together for eight. On the surface, things look fine. We get along and rarely fight. The problem is that lately I feel so indifferent to him. I no longer want to spend time with him (and forget about having sex). Am I just comfortable and afraid of leaving? Is it even worth trying to fix things, or is it too late? - Rebecca, 38
Dr. Susan: Women (and men) often feel a diminishing interest in sex over time, especially if no effort is made to freshen things up. What concerns me is that you don't even want to spend time with your mate. Is it worth your while to leave him? You are young enough to begin again, but you are also capable of trying to fix things. Begin by having an open-hearted conversation with him about what's missing for you. If he isn't interested in listening or if nothing improves, consider marriage counseling. I'm pretty sure that if you are indifferent to him, he has noticed and is also unhappy. Honesty is crucial.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.