Her Best Friend Is a Liar
Q: My best friend and I are both single and in our first year of college. We have been friends since junior high and I've really appreciated having her around during this scary new phase in our lives. The problem is that every time I confide in her that I'm interested in someone, she swoops in and steals him! There was a guy in our dorm, for example, and we hit it off. But as soon as I mentioned him to my friend, she started finding reasons to hang out with him. She says she was trying to find out if he was interested in ME, but then I found out this weekend that they hooked up at a party. How do I handle this?--Taylor, 18
Dr. Susan: I hate to tell you this, but your best friend isn't to be trusted. I understand that this is hard for you to accept. Nevertheless, you have seen enough proof that she considers her dating life to be "every woman for herself," and "all's fair in love." You tell her you're interested in someone, and the next thing you hear (and not from her!) is that she and he have hooked up! That's got to hurt.
You have a choice: stop confiding in her (she'll know why!), or keep doing the same thing and she will continue hurting you. Some friendships only last through a certain period when both people need the friendship a lot. And then they fade. Seems it's time to make some new friends.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.