He's Not Divorced Yet
Q: After three years of being divorced, I've finally met a guy that really interests me. He's kind, funny and hard-working. The catch is that he's legally still married. They've been separated for over a year and just have "some financial things" to sort out. We've been together for only a few months, and I'm in no rush to settle down again. Still, he's made no move to hurry things along since we've gotten serious and my friends say this is a serious red flag. Is it fair of me to give him a deadline? - Lauren, 51
Dr. Susan: You say you're in no rush to settle down, so giving him an ultimatum would be premature. I know couples who are definitely "divorced" in their minds, but haven't taken the trouble to finalize the paperwork. Is their separation at least confirmed with paperwork? You can try asking him what the hold-up is that's keeping him tied to his ex. Not in a pushy way, as that may be too personal for him to share with you at this point. Your friends are just looking out for you, but if you love him and believe he loves you, relax a while longer.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.