When to Ignore the Excitement
Q: All my life (I'm turning 50), I have always kept everyone at a distance. I have had only one boyfriend and that was a long time ago. I have been playing Trivia Crack online with a guy I went to high school with, who I had a crush on way back then. Recently we started exchanging messages. That's when I learned that he is getting divorced. I have never felt this excited talking with someone. My heart races when I see his name on my phone. We were having one of our talks and he said he would ask me out but he is involved with someone. My heart sank, but we still message one another. Do I stop talking to him? I think I have fallen in love with him. -- Liz, 49
Dr. Susan: It's understandable that your lack of relationship experience, combined with this guy's status as a former crush, has turned your hormones to mush. But it's not love, believe me. Or at least it's not a viable relationship that will get you the love you crave. This fellow is supposedly getting divorced and is already involved with someone else. My recommendation would be to cut way down on the games and messages, and eventually give them up altogether. You're his little friend on the side, without a chance of a future together. I'd let him know that if he ever finds himself truly available, you'd be happy to hear from him. If you keep doing what you're doing, you're only torturing yourself.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.