Future Mom-in-Law Issues
Q: My boyfriend of two years recently proposed. We're both super excited, but plan on taking our time with the engagement. Meanwhile, my future mother-in-law keeps mentioning the many cousins, business associates and family friends we'll "need" to invite. We haven't even set a date yet! How can I gently keep her from taking over? -- Anna, 39
Dr. Susan: Seems to me she's as happy and excited as you are. I doubt she means to take over or pressure you, but apparently your future wedding is front-and-center in her mind. Try to give her some slack.
But also, your boyfriend might help out by letting her know that until a date is set, it might be easier on you two if she just made up her list quietly and not talk about it all the time. He should tell her that the two of you want to have the largest say in planning the timing and size of the wedding, but you're not there yet. And when you ARE ready, both you and your guy will have to set some boundaries and stick to them without taking the fun out of the event for her.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.