Give Up After Dating Fails?
Q: I've had so many dating fails that I'm afraid to try again. When I really like a guy, I do everything to show it. I tell him I'm crazy about him, cook him dinners and keep my weekends free for him. Then he just seems to use me, get bored and leave with no good reason. I'm ready to give up. I keep trying to figure out what I've done wrong. I try harder every time to make my BF happy. But where is the guy who wants to make me happy?-- Layla, 36
Dr. Susan: I'm not sure where you're meeting these users, but it's time to try some other way of meeting guys. You shouldn't have to try that hard to keep a guy around and happy. It doesn't sound like you are doing anything particularly wrong other than being too crazy too soon over men who don't reciprocate your interest. Yes, there are some good guys around, so widen your net and meet as many people as you can. And next time, note the signs of selfishness as early as possible. If your date accepts your intimacy, your dinners, your availability, and takes all that for granted, stop trying. If he doesn't pick up the slack, YOU dump HIM.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.