Is She Shallow Or Is He a Loser?
Q: I'm dating a guy who's really sweet to me, but he's not much to look at. I'm actually embarrassed to be seen with him. He's really short and younger than me, but he acts old and doesn't dress right. He also has bad teeth. He wears shorts with crew socks and tennis shoes when we go out to eat. He treats me like a queen though, so it's hard to give up dating him. We have fun together at home, but I'm starting to make excuses not to go out. Am I being too shallow? --Juanita, 41
Dr. Susan: It's lovely to be treated like a queen, but if you can't find your way to reciprocating and treating him like a king, your relationship is doomed. Plenty of women date guys who are shorter, who are younger, who never dress up. Bad teeth can be fixed, and should be if at all possible. You could try to smarten up his wardrobe by letting him know you're kind of picky about such things. He may be willing to hear you and take your advice. The reality is that if you're embarrassed by him, your feelings are not likely to change for the better. You may be a little shallow, but that's not the point. This sweet guy may have too many negatives for you to be a keeper.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.