He Wants Her to Cover Up
Q: My husband is driving me crazy because he's constantly telling me to cover up my cleavage. I'm not huge, I wear a C cup. When we were dating, he always complimented me on my low-cut tops. Now he gets angry if I go out to dinner or to a party wearing something that shows off my girls. He also tells me my dresses are too tight. I like feeling attractive and getting some attention for my figure. I'm not doing anything wrong, it's just clothes, and we hardly ever go out. I'm proud of my body so he needs to lay off. He talks to me like I'm trying to cheat on him. How can I get him to leave me alone about my clothes? -- Karolina, 26
Dr. Susan: Your mate doesn't own you, nor can he insist you dress a certain way. In essence though, if you want to have a good and lasting relationship, you have to decide what's more important to you. Do you want attention from other people because of your figure, especially your breasts? Or would you like to please your husband and have him be more relaxed about how you show yourself to the rest of the world? I think that husbands and wives owe their partners consideration. That means, if you're doing something that truly keeps upsetting him, probably embarrassing him, it's time to go a little deeper into your motivation for showing off your body. No one is suggesting you wear a veil and a full-length burka, of course. But if your body is getting stares from other men in a way that makes your mate unhappy, I can understand that he'd want you to be a bit more modest and save the treats for him. It's your choice, as I said, but try asking some friends, male and female, if they think you're showing off your "girls" more than is tasteful.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.