Her Guy Flirt-Texts Other Women
Q: My boyfriend is on his phone all the time. When I ask him what he's doing, he says he's checking his stocks. I think that's his lame excuse to make him sound important and to make me stop suspecting him. But I still do. I've looked at his phone, and he's texting a girl from work and messaging other girls he knows from high school. It seems like just flirting, but I don't know what he plans to do. Does he want to break up with me? Does he want to go behind my back and have sex with these girls? Why is he lying to me? Why do I feel so bad for checking up on him when he's not being honest? Should I call him out? - Tana, 36
Dr. Susan: You feel bad for snooping because you're an honest person. You know that snooping isn't great, and that it can erode trust. However, if your boyfriend is always on the phone (how boring for you!) and seems to be lying to cover his tracks, then I personally wouldn't judge you harshly for wanting to see for yourself what's going on. Now that you know he's flirting, you have a right to ask him about that. He hasn't been honest with you. That's a huge deal. He may be addicted to the thrill of connecting with other women this way, whether or not he wants to stay with you. But you'll have to decide if you can ever really trust him.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.