Uprooted and Miserable
Q: Last year, I moved my family to a country on the other side of the world for my husband's career. The adjustment to a new culture and his demanding new schedule, all without the support of close friends or family, has not been an easy one for me. But he's loving it! He's like a different person here: hitting happy hour with his colleagues, working late and jet-setting around the world for meetings. I miss my "old" homebody husband and want to move back to the U.S. with the kids, but he's not ready. Should I go without him? --Alexa, 43
Dr. Susan: My answer has to depend on how long the two of you were planning to stay abroad. Was it meant to be a time-delimited transfer? Because if you knew when it would be over, you might be able to hang in there for your husband's sake. But if he's having such a great time and you're having such a terrible and lonely time, the two of you must have a serious conversation about the future. Compromise is a necessity in any long-term relationship. Your husband needs to spend more time with you and the kids, obviously. To move back without him would be a very serious decision, so, with him, think through all the pros and cons.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.