Who Gets Custody of Friends?

Q: Last month I asked my husband for a divorce. Our break up seemed amicable — we'd been growing apart for a long time — but since the split, all our shared friends have taken his side! What can I do? It's lonely and I miss them! - Meg, 47

Dr. Susan: It's still early, but shared friends often feel they have to choose one or the other in a divorcing couple, especially if they knew one partner first. Perhaps your ex isn't telling his and your friends the whole story of your growing alienation. So naturally they would believe it was your idea to split and that he's a victim. You may have to try a little harder to make your friends feel relaxed around you. Reach out once anyway, and tell them you miss them and that they don't have to choose, that you and your ex would both be happy to remain friends with them. Grown-ups can usually manage that.

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