First Date at 20

Q: I'm a 20 year old female who recently went on my very first date where I received my very first kiss. I have unfortunately not heard from the guy since and feel the normal rejection a person would feel. My problem is that I've never been in a relationship and feel that it's time. I find myself seesawing between staying single and trying to find someone. The date has awakened a sexual energy in me that I don't know what to do with. -- Terry

Dr. Susan: Welcome to the complex adult world of sexuality and relationships, Terry! I'm not surprised your body is raging with sexual energy after enjoying your first date and first kiss. You might try to reframe your sense of rejection into something more open-ended -- this guy awakened your senses to a whole new realm of experience. That he never called again doesn't mean much, though of course it's a disappointment.

Now is a good time to get your feet wet in the dating world. Start figuring out what you like in a man, and also learn how to get along and please yourself and the other person. That's what dating's for in the first place. You don't usually learn it all by dating one person anyway. Above all, don't try to make momentous decisions like "should I stay single or should I find someone?" That's just too big to tackle after one date. Gather more information. Get out there and meet some guys. Expect to live with confusing feelings for quite a while, Terry. As for that sexual energy, you might consider learning how to manage it yourself for a while, so you're not choosing men based on desperate sexual need. That's never a trustworthy gauge of who's a good match.

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