Her Guy Has Kissed Men
Q: My boyfriend is kind of particular about his clothes. He goes to stores where guys help you pick out matching shirts and pants. He won't let me wash any of my stuff with his. He also has a lot of hair product and face tanner. When we heard some guy on the radio say he had made out with guys a few times but was straight, I laughed and said no way. My boyfriend said it could happen. Then he admitted that he had kissed guys a few times. Do you think my boyfriend is gay or bisexual? I don't want a bisexual boyfriend, so what should I do to find out? Or should I just end it? — Carmen, 32
Dr. Susan: Your boyfriend's passion for stylish clothing and hair product are not the salient facts here. The issue is whether he is physically attracted to men. That he's admitted to kissing guys "a few times" does offer a pretty sharp clue that he's not your typical 100 per cent straight guy. Okay, one kiss one time in particularly unusual circumstances may not mean much. But your boyfriend's insistence that he is completely straight? I doubt it. If you're not deeply in love and compatible in every way, ending this relationship makes some sense. Meanwhile, get him talking in greater detail about those "non-gay" gay episodes in his life. He may only have confessed a small portion of the whole story to you.
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Advice for Her
Advice for Him
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.