Her Past is Embarrassing
Q: The guy I'm going out with is friends with my ex-boyfriend. I'm scared to death that my old boyfriend will tell him some of the things we did together or show him pics I sent him. I also went a little crazy right after he broke up with me and said that if he dated someone else I would tell her how terrible he was in bed.
Should I ask my BF if my ex talks bad about me? Or should I just hope that he doesn't know any of that embarrassing stuff? — Jessica, 19
Dr. Susan: You always take a risk when you date two guys who are friends. I wouldn't ask your new guy what your ex has been telling him unless you're ready to hear the truth. After all, you weren't too nice to your ex when he broke up with you, so who knows if he will behave in a more gentlemanly manner toward you? When we like someone, we probably all behave in ways that will seem embarrassing later. Far better to let those images fade on their own without having photos that may stick around forever and be shared with other people. All you can do now is behave nicely and let this new guy learn more about you from being with you.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.