Not Ready to Live Together
Q: I'd only been dating my guy for a few months when he had a falling out with his roommates and was forced out of his apartment. Things were going great with us, so it seemed natural that he stay with me for a couple of weeks. We both agreed we weren't ready to live together full-time. It's been a month now, though, and I can't get him out of my house! I'd like to continue our relationship, but from separate places. This was too much, too soon! How can we go back to the way it was? — Meredith, 24
Dr. Susan: As you've just discovered, it's hard to reverse the level of, let's call it intimacy, in a relationship. Your boyfriend seems comfortable the way things are. Has he been trying to find his own place but having a hard time finding an appropriate one? Forget about going back to "the way it was." Once you've lived together, and then had him leave, this episode will be part of your relationship story. So how about sitting him down and talking honestly to him about options. Tell him you haven't changed your mind about being unready to live together. Tell him you were very happy the way things were, and you believe it would be best if he found another place to live so your relationship can continue to grow naturally. Think things through first on your own. That way you'll be prepared if he asks for specifics about why this isn't working out for you.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.