She's Always Stuck Paying
Q: It seems like every time my boyfriend and I go out he forgets his wallet and I wind up paying. I know he's busy with work and classes but I'm as busy as he is. We have a lot of fun together but I'm starting to wonder if it's normal to be so forgetful. — Amber, 19
Dr. Susan: It shouldn't be very hard to fix this problem. All you have to do is be the non-forgetful one and ask him, just before you go out, if he has his wallet with him. If he's really that forgetful, your gentle reminder will take care of the problem, and maybe after a time or two, he'll start remembering. Or, next time you find yourself paying for both of you, let him know that you're okay with splitting costs but not always paying for everything, so now he owes you for his half. Is it normal to be so forgetful? I can only say it's not impossible to be extremely casual and forgetful. But what's not normal is that you resent his not paying and yet he's getting away with it too often. Speak up.
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Advice for Her
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.