Out of Sight...

Q: A few weeks prior to summer break, I had somewhat of a harmless fling. Then, in the midst of finals, we went on a date and I unintentionally turned the person down that night as I was focused on the schoolwork I still had to get done. Since then we separated due to the summer, and we are rather far away from each other. We talked briefly only twice. I'm not sure if things are moving slowly because of the summer or because the person has lost interest, or because the person assumes I'm no longer interested. I'm not sure what move I should make next. -- Amber

Dr. Susan: If your communications with your would-be lover are as cryptic as your letter here, it's no wonder you don't know what's happening. I'm not sure if you meant to say that you had recently begun a sexual affair with someone (male or female?) but that you turned down sex the last time you were together? If what you had going up to that point was in any way a real relationship (with or without sex), your partner would have accepted that preoccupation with finals was a fair reason for your not wanting to get too intimate.

Now you want to know how to proceed. Just pick up the phone and mention your concerns. Something like this should clear the air: "I hope you don't hold it against me that I turned you down that time during finals. I was just so frantic to get everything done on time. I was kinda hoping we could pick up where we left off...." Then see what this person has to say. You have nothing to lose. If the response you get is only lukewarm, you can still salvage your summer by going out and meeting new people. A lot of pre-summer flings don't survive the summer.

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