Can 2 Know-It-Alls Find Love?
Q: My new boyfriend is a know-it-all, which is fine because I like confidence and because I'm a bit of a know-it-all, too. It's an issue when it comes to my lactose intolerance, since he just KNOWS that lactose intolerance doesn't apply to certain refined cheeses like provolone. Well, maybe it doesn't for some people, but it certainly does for me. He keeps insisting on giving me foods with these "special" cheeses because he thinks it's thoughtful. And to prove he's right. Instead, it just spells trouble for my lower G.I. I started avoiding most foods he gives me or cooks for me but that can't last forever. Any suggestions? — Tammy, 23
Dr. Susan: Confidence in a guy is lovely, but overbearing domination isn't. I'll never forget when I was having my first child and my then-husband insisted I wasn't having contractions when I most certainly WAS. How can someone dare to tell you what you're feeling? If it were just "little" things (like your intestinal response to certain foods!), that would be one thing. But people who behave like this turn out to be very hard to live with. You need to try to nip his controllingness in the bud, right now. Don't get too caught up in arguing over the specifics. Inform him that you NEED him to respect your words, your body, and your needs. Be totally honest about wanting to avoid foods from him due to his lack of consideration. Let him know that you're open to his showing you credible research about your ailment, but that the final word about what you eat and do is yours alone.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.