Boyfriend Never Follows Through
Q: I have a boyfriend who claims to love me but doesn't care about my problems. For example, when I have a problem, I expect him to follow up with whatever he says he'll do to help me, but he doesn't. When I ask him about it, he tells me he forgot and that I worry too much. Does he really love me? — Joan, 32
Dr. Susan: Love is a complicated set of feelings and decisions. Whether or not your boyfriend truly loves you can't be determined by judging one single behavior on his part. While no one likes to be told they're worrying "too much," it only means that your boyfriend doesn't take your issues seriously. Your problem isn't a problem to him, so why should he bother paying attention to it? Determine whether his ignoring your concerns is a pattern. Consider whether "I forgot" is a sufficient response when you remind him of his promises. He may love you in a certain way, but perhaps not enough to make much effort for you. But, of course, do consider whether you are fretting too much about things that don't really matter.
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Susan K. Perry, Ph.D.
Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., is a social psychologist, relationship expert, and bestselling and award-winning author. Her books include Loving in Flow: How the Happiest Couples Get and Stay That Way, and Kylie's Heel, a novel for adults.
Pamela G. Chollet, Ph.D.
Dr. Pamela Chollet has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and Master degrees in educational psychology and fine arts. Her passion has been helping people face and get through those times when they feel trapped and unable to move forward.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D.
Anna Charbonneau, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, stress management expert, and author. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, or struggling to make changes in your life, Anna can help.